The other day, during a game of tennis I observed that I was frequently cursing myself for playing terribly. Each bad shot prompted me to use four-letter words in my mind, though I admit occasionally they would come out loud! Of course it didn’t cross my mind that perhaps my opponent was a much better player and I was getting beaten because of that 😊

This made me think about how we rarely attempt to listen to ourselves, not to the words that emerge from our mouths, but to the incessant chatter that permeates our minds.

This applies to all aspects of life. Suppose you make a mistake at work. Nothing big but just something you missed. Nevertheless, your internal narrator promptly intervenes with a few versions. Version A says “I am an utter idiot. I make so many errors. I am not suited for this position.”

Whereas Version B points out “I have made an error. That is an experience. What can I gain from this? How can I rectify it and prevent it in the future?”

The same event. Two entirely disparate narratives. Two entirely distinct emotional responses. Two entirely different outcomes. The first version causes anxiety, shame, and paralysis. The second engenders learning, growth, and action.

Unfortunately, for most of us, the negative narrative or version A is our natural go-to thinking. You could be a CEO or a management trainee; negative thinking is common at all levels.

What we do not realise is that these are the scripts that shape our reality, the narratives that become our truth, and the words that define who we become.

On a daily basis, we engage in thousands of self-talk conversations. However, most of us have it reversed. We place greater emphasis on what we communicate with others than on what we communicate with ourselves!

We fail to recognise that our internal dialogue is the most potent force in our lives. It determines how we interpret events and how we respond to challenges, and ultimately, how our character develops.

My advice to myself and others who experience similar situations is to pay attention to our internal dialog and stop being so hard on ourselves! This does not mean that I should start appreciating my shoddy play but that I should improve my next shot instead of fretting over the last one!

Worth thinking about 🤔