Looking in the mirror is a natural human habit. We don’t usually think about it much until it becomes an obsession. But many times, how we look physically, intellectually or as a leader or manager can dictate our daily lives. In my opinion, it can also become the biggest obstacle to a fulfilling life.

So, how do you become less obsessed with yourself? At first glance this sounds like a problem for people who think too highly of themselves. But the person who thinks I am “exceptional “and the one who thinks “I am not much” are both preoccupied with the same thing. Themselves.

We monitor how we look, speak, perform at work or play. We check if we are ahead or behind, admired or at risk of being exposed. Even when we think about society or the collective good, a calculation often sits underneath; “And what does this mean for me?”

So, the real issue is not arrogance versus humility. It is how much mental space does “me” occupy?

You can help, donate, volunteer, be generous and still always be internally evaluating your own adequacy.

What interrupts that loop is rarely more thinking. It is real participation.

Participating by being completely present in whatever you are doing. Listening without preparing your reply. Letting others take the limelight. Handling responsibilities where the task matters more than credit.

In those moments attention shifts outward. The inner commentator softens because the situation is bigger than your self-image. Your ego is not eliminated. It comes back. But it returns with less authority and stays for shorter periods.

Most of us are ordinary. And the world runs on ordinary people reliably doing necessary things. When specialness is no longer under negotiation, energy becomes available for contribution.

Maybe meaning doesn’t come from improving the picture of yourself in your head. Maybe it arrives when you are slightly less central in it.