Watching children makes one think so much about human nature.

I see my granddaughter at eighteen months and find her an astonishing observer. She notices what gets a positive response and what does not, whose feelings matter and whose displeasure changes the mood around her. Like all children, she needs love, safety and belonging. So she learns and adapts.

Watching her made me think about how much of the person we eventually become at work has been shaped long before we ever entered a workplace.

Long before we become managers or leaders, as children we learn ways of navigating the world. Perhaps we developed competence because it earned praise. Perhaps we learned to care for others because someone had to. Perhaps we found humour could interrupt anger. Perhaps we became invisible because being noticed felt dangerous. Perhaps we learned to be self-reliant. Or perhaps we discovered that love was plentiful and disagreements manageable.

Our leadership journey does not begin when we become managers. It begins much earlier, in the families and systems in which we first learned how to be human. And some of the qualities that served us well can also constrain us later in life.

The child who learned early to be independent becomes the executive who gets things done but finds it difficult to ask for help. The child who learned to take responsibility becomes the leader everyone relies upon but struggles to let others take ownership. The child who learned to plan everything carefully becomes very good at anticipating problems but uncomfortable when the future cannot be planned.

We bring all of ourselves to work. Our confidence and our insecurities. Our need for approval. Our fear of failure. Our discomfort with conflict. Our desire to be liked. Our need to be in control.

This is why leadership development cannot only be about acquiring new skills. It also requires understanding ourselves more deeply.

Why does disagreement make me uncomfortable? Why do I need to have the answer? Why is it so difficult for me to let go? Why does a particular situation affect me more than it should?

These are not questions about management, they are questions about ourselves. And becoming a better leader begins not by learning something new, but by having the courage to look at something old.